You attract what you fear. This is a very common phrase that I am sure you have heard of.
Something that we are used to hearing a lot, especially in psychological spheres, is that pain is the best therapy. You might be surprised or you might not even agree with this statement. In fact, the reality is that we are taught something by every emotion we encounter, whether positive or negative.
For instance, suffering is typically the best chance for improving our life skills. When we learn from failure, frustration, and disappointments, it shapes new paths and directions. Even though some choose not to see the pain, others are more likely to hide it in the innermost corners of their minds, putting it away forever.
There is no way to avoid suffering; it will be felt in different ways from time to time. Whether you like it or not, you will feel rage, disappointment, and frustration. You cannot stop these emotions. You attract what you fear. Today we will be talking about the fear of negative feelings.
When negative emotions turn into obsession
We are going to give you an example. Imagine that you are in an intimate relationship with someone. Together, you have built a stable life because you love them. Yet, there is something within you that signals that things are not quite the same as they used to be. You think that your partner does not have feelings for you anymore. How are you going to accept that? Instead, you reject it and your partner doesn’t want to speak about it for whatever reason, either.
Time goes by, and despite realizing quite well that your relationship is no longer real, you refuse to see it and ignore it. The people around you are beginning to realize what is happening, but you’re holding to your denial. Every day, the negative feeling you conceal begins to hit a little harder.
Even if you try to cover the truth, it will ultimately come to the surface. While you may have pushed it far away and avoid talking about it, a constant and damaging thought will always torment you. This happens because the mind functions in this way; it turns negative emotions into obsessive thoughts in order to deal with them.
‘’I will stop being sad’’ – this is something that we always tell ourselves, but instead of that, the outcome is the complete opposite. The secret is not telling ourselves ‘’I don’t need to be sad’’, but to ask ‘’What is the reason for me to be sad?’’
It may sound odd, but it is true. Over time, negative feelings continue to linger and avoid rationality and reason. They will eventually trigger obsessive and unreasonable behavior.
The typical reasoning is, “If I do not admit it, there is no such thing as that. I’m ignoring the situation”. But in fact, the problem gets even bigger and you can’t stop worrying about it.
The adaptive function of emotions
Knowing the fact that you attract what you fear. Emotions like grief, frustration, or anxiety act like a medication. We know they’re the hardest to accept but they’re also helping us adjust. For instance, fear forces us to run or hide, which will help us survive. It is an instinctive phenomenon that we have developed as a species.
Through that same journey, we have also discovered that often the solution is not to run away or hide. Instead, we have to stay in place and get to know the enemy who tries to hurt us. Ignoring it does not help. We need to always accept sadness, but also cry it out and confront it. Our negative emotions often push us to take the less-traveled road, and in that way, they help us to survive. Sometimes, fundamental development takes place on the opposite path.
Negative emotions will persist until they start destroying us slowly if we keep running away from them. So why try to avoid them? Let them be. Accepting them, instead of resisting them, would be the best thing to do. That way, you will be strong enough to deal with them day by day. You will also have to work through them until they disappear forever.